Thank you all for your kind words on Simba's passing. It's been a little over a week now and while I'm still very upset over it, things are getting a little better. Sometimes it doesn't feel real but sometimes it just feels too real.
I haven't been doing much lately, my motivation was bad before and now I just don't have the energy for anything even things I want to do. I am currently working on a new doll that needs a little TLC. My no dolls in January goal fell by the wayside, but whatever. I have a couple projects I'm focusing on right now, nothing major but maybe if I have two or three that I switch between I might actually get something done one of these days. I'm also working on taking apart some cheap gift card holders I bought at the Dollar Tree after Christmas for a quarter each for the sequins on it. I've only used sequins once in my entire sewing career, but these are interesting enough to spend the time saving, plus deconstructing something like that can be rather soothing to me.
However, this post isn't about dolls or crafts (or even E-bay, spoiler alert, nothing's going on there either). This post I want to talk about my job, it's going to be a lot of rambling thinking out loud from this point on, so if you're just here for dolls and sewing feel free to skip it.
So my immediate supervisor put in her notice at the start of the month. She'd been with the company for a little under 2 years. She came from another store in the mall that closed. She's going back to her original store, but in a different location. She'll be going back as an office person, which is what she wanted. I'm sad to see her go, but I know she'll be happier there so I wish her the best. I am trying to think of something nice to get her as a thank you gift, but haven't thought anything yet. I know her, but I don't know her that well privately, and I don't want to get her something too personal since we're not too buddy-buddy. I plan on asking someone at work she's close to for suggestions.
Anyway, with B leaving, that means her job will be open. I haven't been with the company for very long (especially since I came back last September), but I think I could do her job. I'm smart, want to learn, and already know a lot about how the company is run. I cannot tell you the number of times people, some of whom have been there a lot longer than I have ask me how to do certain things. I really think I would make a good manager. I already consider myself a junior manager with some of the things I'm asked to do. However, there are places in the job that I'm not that strong, when I came back it was in a partially different position than when I left and honestly, I haven't gotten the training I think I should have gotten. I've learned some things, but overall I know there's several people who are stronger than me in that aspect.
Right now there's two people who I think are my biggest competition, K and M. K has been with the company the longest, knows several parts of the job that I don't know, and is a key holder already. She is also the top choice from the boss according to B. M is someone who knows the job more than anybody, however she has no managerial experience and hasn't been there super long. It's funny how each of us has our strengths, if only they could combine them for the ideal candidate. I was feeling rather hopeful about my odds before I knew that K was interested, but after I found out she was, I felt my opportunity slipping away.
B put in her notice on the 6th, and the proper channels were alerted pretty quickly. However her job has still not been posted online and according to her, they told her they weren't going to post it until after she's gone on the 27th. Meaning there's going to be no time for her to train her successor. It also turns out that some higher ups are going to be doing the interviews, which is weird since the last few big job openings have been all done internally. B theorized that they have someone outside of the store in mind for the position so they're setting it up to bring them in. I wouldn't put it past the company to stack the decks in their favor to bring someone in. I wouldn't even be surprised if they didn't even have the job actually posted and just hired who they wanted. I'll freely admit I'd be very upset over losing out the job to some of my co-workers but I'd be even more upset if they brought someone else into the situation without giving any of us the chance.
And what does this mean for me? Honestly, quite a lot. I've been growing more and more unsatisfied at work. I've been spending a lot of time as a cashier and I hate being a cashier. It's so boring and I hate being pressured to get credit all the time. Plus my manager is still a jerk so I wouldn't mind not having to deal with that any more. (Ironically if I did get B's job I'd be dealing with that manager a lot). When I heard that B was leaving it did excite me for the chance to advance in the company, put my skills to use and learn more, but if that's not going to happen, why should I stay? I'm going to try for this job and if I don't get it, or don't get anything from at least applying (K getting the position would leave a key holder slot open), I'm going to start looking for another job or possibly transferring to another store. That might mean moving out and saying goodbye to my family but it might just have to be what I need to do.
The thought of that is terrifying to me, the last time I tired it was a terrible disaster and there's more reasons for me to stay now than before. My family is having a hard time making ends meet and have been borrowing money from me. I don't mind doing it, they are my family after all, and I don't really think I'll ever get that money back, but what happens when I move out, will I be able to afford my expenses plus theirs? Last time I was working two part time jobs and still couldn't afford my extremely simple lifestyle (by which I mean a roof over my head, food, and transportation), would trying again really bring me much more? And I'm not just gambling my future this time, it's mine and my family's, which I'm not sure is a risk I can take.
Why is life so hard?!?