Simba-cat died today a little after 10:27 this morning.
I think her kidney's gave out on her. Last February she had a problem where she stopped eating and drinking, had some tummy issues, and couldn't keep her head up. I stayed with her the entire time and back then I managed to get her to eat and she pulled through. She had a couple minor flair ups during the year, but nothing as bad as the first one, until this one. She had been having issues and stupid me didn't see any of the signs until she was pretty bad off. However, I think even if I had seen what was happening, there was nothing I could do. Monday night she was having mobility issues and Tuesday I woke up to her sprawled out unnaturally on the bed and in bad shape. I spent the day with her and all night with her trying to keep her comfortable and see if she would eat. She did have a couple bites of food during the day, but in the evening stopped eating or drinking. I was using an eyedropper to try to keep her hydrated in some attempt to help her.
I was hoping we'd get another miracle, but it just wasn't meant to be. For most of the morning she was just lying there, she was breathing but not much else. Shortly before she died she began gasping slightly. There was nothing I could do, I just stayed with her petting her and comforting her.
And then she was gone.
And I'm having a really hard time with it. I wasn't Simba's primary caregiver for very long, but she's been in my life a very long time. When she died, she was 21 years old and she could have been even older. We adopted her from my Grandmother around three years ago when she decided that she couldn't properly take care of her when she was away in Florida 6 months out of the year. When we got her she was a matted mess (my cousins who watched her during the winters were not decent pet owners), but I got her cleaned up and she was my little princess for three years. We didn't always get along, and I do regret how sometimes I wouldn't give her the attention she wanted, but I hope she was happy here, for the short time she was here.
I've been crying off and on all day. I have to go back to work tomorrow and I'm not looking forward to it. Hopefully I can keep myself together. I'm also not looking forward to bedtime tonight. I've been keeping my mind occupied today with watching TV shows online, but when the computer's shut down and the lights are off, I'm alone with my thoughts and that's the last thing I want right now.
I'm also dreading putting away her things, it makes it so more real. She spent pretty much all of her time here in my room, but even when she was here, I didn't always see her. She was always finding new spots to sleep in, so she wasn't always in my line of sight. I already dumped her water dish and gave her leftover food to the other cats. I still have to put away her brush, her dry food, and get rid of her litter box. It just feels so final, and even though I know it is final, I hate it. I'm really going to miss her.
It's going to be rough for a while, getting used to her not being here. I've left the room a few times already and every time I come back I find myself looking for her, but then I realize she's not here any more and my heart breaks all over again. I was thinking about it, after Sunshine passed away pretty quickly we got Willow who ended up living in my room for a while as she got accumulated for the house, after that we got Simba who ended up living in my room for the rest of her life. It's been years since I didn't have a cat in my room, it's going to take some time getting used to. I'm especially going to miss her sleeping around my legs when it's cold. She brought me a lot of comfort.
I'm probably going to be MIA for a little while. I was having a hard 2017 already and the loss of Simba has really put me in a bad place. I'm sure I will be back, but I can't say how soon.
Sweet dreams my little Simba-bimba, I'm going to miss you.